So this post is going to be brutally honest. It is not bad, I just have to get this out.
Let's be honest, I am so SCARED to graduate. I don't want to grow up. I know that there are many adventures and opportunities out there waiting for me. I am so nervous to go to college. What if I don't like my classes, or my roommates? What if I can't get a job and can't pay for college? What am I going to do with my life? I don't know the answers to any of my questions, and it scares the heck out of me. I am a person that likes to know what to expect, that has things go my way and that people like me. But to be honest, I am not a very good friend, I am not a great people-person. I don't know if I can do this.
My friend leaves on his mission the day of graduation. He is one that I can tell everything and to have him not there to text or call scares me. I tell him all of my thoughts, fears and wishes. He is going to be a good missionary, but he is the first friend that I really have to go on a mission. It is going to be interesting. I don't know what to think about it.
I know that Heavenly Father will keep me in his mind and allow me to do my best. But the reality is starting to sink in. I have no clue what I am doing. I don't like speaking my mind to very many people, so this is kind of hard. I don't know if anyone reads this blog, but I hope that those of you who do don't judge me. I am going to try and do my best that is all I can do, but sometimes I don't know if it is enough. We will have to see what happens. Today I realized that I move out in less than 6 weeks. That means I meet my roommate, have to start cooking for myself, move out. You don't realize how much your mom or dad means to you until you realize that you are going to be leaving soon.
I am freaking out and kind of hyperventilating and writing it down helps, so I am sorry for a depressing and long post. I know that these next two weeks are going to be some of the funnest times I will have. I am grateful for my experiences that I have had.
I just want to write a little something about each of my family:
Mom: loves all of us unconditionally, loving friend, teaches us meaningful lessons, and sacrifices much for her family!
Dad: works hard to make us all feel comfortable, loves mom, is gentle and kind, is a great friend and listener!
Joseph: a great friend, good sport, works hard, easy to talk to, a great example!
Emma: very talented, good at soccer, affectionate, sensitive to others needs, cute, stylish, happy!
Camille: creative, cute, happy, has a cute laugh, silly, loves to have fun, doesn't think about what others think of her!
Michael: silly, funny, cute, loves his pets, likes to make people laugh and feel happy, he is our little buddy!
I am so grateful for my family and all that they have done for me! I hope everything goes well this week and into the next couple of weeks~
love you all,
Rachel
Oh Rachel! You made me start crying with those thoughts about your family. Your mom and dad have done so well with you guys. I don't know how much your mom has talked to you about our growing up, but for some reason we weren't very loving siblings. While you guys definitely have your moments I think overall you are very loving to each other.
ReplyDeleteAs for the growing up-I'm not gonna lie. There will be moments that will be really tough. However, there will also be many moments of peace, joy, and happiness. And as excited as you are to get away from home, remember your family is your rock, especially your parents. When I look back at college the thing that I think is so weird and funny is that my mom would call me every weekend; and almost every time I cried. The thing that I think is so funny about that is that I loved my college experience. Every year got better and better. What I know now is that my mom was my shoulder to cry on even though she wasn't there. She was the one person I could talk to about ANYTHING that may not have been going right. She had no bias towards anyone or anything that was going on. I was able to release any bad feelings and then continue on throughout my days and weeks. Maybe it is because I was able to release such stress that I remember very little of the bad parts. I hope that you will be able to utilize your parents in the same way.
Rachel-I am so proud of you and what you have become. You are stronger than you think. I remember visiting your mom and dad when your mom was pregnant with you. It's crazy that you're now graduating high school and going to college. I love you so much! I'm so glad you're part of our family.